News & Insights - Parents Anonymous

My Ex-Husband Emotionally Abuses Our Children—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek, My name is Alicia and I am the mother of five amazing minor children and two adult sons. I divorced my husband 3 years ago, and due to Covid, things took much longer and we actually separated long before our divorce was finalized.

Anyway, while married I was a stay-at-home mom and home-schooled my kiddos. My ex-husband worked full-time and was generally uninvolved in day-to-day life.

However, as time went on, I realized my ex-husband was causing a lot of damage to our children and myself. I realized that he was financially, emotionally, and spiritually abusing us, so I left.

He then made it his mission to punish me for leaving. He went on a smear campaign and isolated me from all of my friends and family. “Making things as difficult as he could so I would come crawling back to him”—his exact words.

Part of his revenge was to seek 50/50 custody, which he was awarded because at the time I was still afraid of him and easily intimidated so I was not able to fully advocate for myself or my children. Since then, it has been a battle.

All of the abusive behaviors that were present when we were married are still present now, but because he doesn’t abuse our children physically the court has done absolutely nothing to protect our children.

Despite him having [court] involvement four separate times for throwing our youngest daughter down the stairs, dragging our oldest daughter down the stairs and through the house by her arms, break-checking our youngest daughter so hard she had a bruised and swollen face for two weeks, and leaving our children in a whole other state with a woman he just met and that they knew for a few days.

His abuse is to the extent that his new wife left him after only being married to him for two months because she feared for her children’s safety.

Even still, the judge in our small town will do nothing to protect our children, or even order him to attend real therapy or parenting classes.

One of the most troubling behaviors that he regularly engages in is bullying our LGBTQIA+ daughter. He tells her that being a homosexual is as bad as being a pedophile. He tells her that she is evil and against God—he has even worked with his pastor to arrange very hateful anti LGBTQIA+ sermons. He treats her like a maid and cook when she is with him and makes sure to let her know that she disgusts and disappoints him because she identifies as LGBTQIA+ and listens to the band Ghost. All of this continues to wear on my daughter’s mental health and yet still no one will do anything.

He is treated as if he is a model father and the family court continues to turn a blind eye to everything he does. He uses his religion as a reason to get away with his abuse, stating that he has not only a right, but an obligation, to tell our daughter the things he does because she has turned her back on the Lord.

No one seems to want to hold him accountable and help out our children. He has blocked me from putting them in therapy, receiving immunizations, attending doctor visits, and taking medication. All because it’s against his beliefs and western medicine is witchcraft.

I hired a Guardian Ad Litem who found he was abusive and that it was in the kids’ best interest to be with me full-time and limit his involvement until he completed therapy and parenting classes, but the court also ignored that. I have spent THOUSANDS on attorneys and have only landed in the same spot every single time.

So now, I am hopeful that if I make it public how badly the County Court is failing our children, maybe something might be done for them.

As a healthy parent, he would deserve 50/50 time with our kids, but until then I don’t think he should get it just because it’s his “right.”

Alicia, Unknown

Newsweek‘s “What Should I Do?” offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.

‘Abusive Relationships Impact Self-Confidence…You Need To Protect Yourself and Children’

Lisa Pion-Berlin, Ph.D., is a licensed hypnotherapist and CEO of Parents Anonymous.

You are a very courageous woman to speak out about your family situation to expose the injustice and harm to your family. Do not minimize what that takes. Stop blaming yourself for not advocating harder because you felt so insecure.

Physically and psychologically abusive relationships impact our self-confidence and wear us down so we cannot fight back. Twenty-five years of research into “battered woman” or “battered person” syndrome shows this.

It is understandable that you and your children are in a very difficult and abusive situation. Your focus needs to be on going forward by continuously and relentlessly protecting yourself and your children.

First of all, insults, threats or bodily harm needs to be reported and documented with the police, schools and your own doctors. Clear and complete documentation cannot be overemphasized—print out and save every email, text and voicemail regarding any threats or evidence of abuse.

Also, make copies of all medical records and other entities for your file. Take photographs of the physical damage your children have endured. Make sure you take them to the doctor, as they take pictures and continue to make CPS reports.

It is brave you are making this public. So many parents are afraid when the courts and systems are not helping or protecting children. Make sure you have support for yourself. You cannot stay strong without seeking counseling and surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family.

Also, seek counseling for your children so they can deal with their underlying feelings related to these traumas. Therapists and counselors are mandated reporters. Prejudice and discrimination exist in all institutions sworn to help you protect your children from abuse and neglect.

Even though you have paid for lawyers, if you feel they haven’t helped, you can seek free legal counsel. You may also want to contact your newly elected congressperson or U.S. senators. Senator Stabenow has district staff to help constituents and she is a dedicated social worker and advocate herself.

Local politics are tough to deal with, but the safety, health and well-being of your entire family is at stake. Continue to reach out because asking for help is a sign of strength. You can also call the National Parent Helpline 855-427-2736, operated by Parents Anonymous® (raisingfuture.org).

‘The Safety Of You and Your Children Is The Number One Priority’

Dr. Faisal Tai, MD, is a psychiatrist and the CEO of PsychPlus.

I’m very sorry to hear about your serious dilemma with your ex-husband. As the mother of five minor children, I am sure that you have your hands more than full and that this conflict only makes taking care of your family—and yourself—10 times harder.

When I hear about all the legal steps you’ve taken to try and improve your situation through the courts and government agencies, it is disheartening that you have not been able to make more progress.

As a psychiatrist, I also would strongly encourage you to seek professional assistance to safeguard the emotional well-being of you and your children. It will be fundamental to your health and well-being, and your quality of life, in the years ahead.

I would recommend that you contact the Child Welfare Medical and Behavioral Health unit for your local county.

Amongst many other resources, they will have a comprehensive list of support services across the state that might be of great assistance.

I wish you the best of luck as you continue to advocate for yourself and your children.

Date: February 11, 2023

In Her Own Words: Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin’s Parents Anonymous is anything but

Taking care of the children of the world is a daunting task. Taking care of their parents as well takes inordinate energy and dedication. That’s Dr. Lisa Pion Berlin’s mission.

Throughout my career as a social worker, clinical hypnotherapist and CEO of Parents Anonymous Inc., I’ve always viewed advocacy as central to who I am and what my contribution is as a caring, participating citizen of the world. My passion is to support the empowerment journey of diverse parents, children and youth.

Before becoming CEO at Parents Anonymous, I managed a state-level foundation dedicated to strengthening families to prevent child abuse and neglect. I witnessed parents and young people being pushed aside and not fully understood, which motivated me to stand up for change. My experience in that position not only enhanced my abilities as a leader, but it amplified my sense of determination to help both parents and youth, which has continued to guide me in my career journey.

Parenthood Linked to Lower Cognitive Decline With Age

Research suggests the challenges of parenting may strengthen brain networks and potentially guard against age-related decline.

Parenthood reshapes priorities, schedules, and, indeed, the brain itself. While short-term brain changes in parents are well-documented, it’s unclear if they last. Now, a study suggests that parenthood may give you a younger brain due to brain restructuring that safeguards against age-related cognitive decline.

Researchers of the study published in PNAS found that parents have better brain connections in areas that typically weaken with age. Compared to adults who are not parents, these different parts of their brain work more smoothly together.

“Yes, parenting is stressful and demanding, but it is also the most transformative experience because of the personal growth and changes over a lifetime of raising children and benefiting as a parent,” said Lisa Pion Berlin, president and CEO of Parents Anonymous®, a nonprofit that helps parents and communities thrive.

Need to have a tough conversation? Take a walk.

Maybe you’re feeling anxious about discussing your spouse’s recent overspending, addressing your teenager’s slipping grades or letting a friend know that their actions hurt you. Major talks like these can be daunting, so you’re not alone if you’ve ever wished there was a way to make them less stressful.

Another perk of going on a walk: It allows people to engage with their environment — not just the conversation — while still staying in the present moment, Lisa Pion-Berlin, social worker and chief executive officer of Parents Anonymous, tells Yahoo Life. Taking a walk can provide “a simple, mindless and repetitive distraction from the discussion,” which makes people feel calmer and less stressed. Research shows that walking in nature can be particularly beneficial for our well-being, which can also help bring our nervous system into a relaxed state.

Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin Talks With Senator Sasha Renée Pérez at Eaton Fire Resource Fair

Parents Anonymous® was at the Resource Fair on Sunday to support those affected by the Eaton Fire at St. Elizabeth of Hungary Catholic Church.

Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin spoke with Senator Pérez about the importance of resources and attention for mental health. They discussed what a difficult time it is for Parents who have to navigate their own mental health as well as their children’s. They also discussed how the California Parent & Youth Helpline is there to help day or night, and is available in 240 languages. The Future Depends on Parents.

Chores and responsibilities you didn’t know you could hand off to your kids

Are your kids starting to get bored with making their beds and taking out the trash? The good news is that there is so much more they can do! All kidding aside, there are plenty of household responsibilities that your kids can help with, beyond cleaning their room and taking the trash out.

“So many parents think of household chores as things that need to be done by the adults, especially when kids are little,” says Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin, a licensed hypnotherapist and CEO of Parents Anonymous®, a non-profit organization dedicated to preventing child abuse and providing support to parents and families. “However, assigning children age-appropriate tasks not only helps lighten the load for parents, but also teaches valuable life skills, such as independence, responsibility and self-confidence.”

The Lonely Reality of Being ‘Connected’

If your teen is anything like the average teen, they’re probably always on a FaceTime call, gaming with friends online while chatting through a headset, or getting notification after notification from Snapchat. You’d think with so many opportunities for conversation and connection, the word “lonely” wouldn’t even exist in their vocabulary. But surprisingly, research shows that Gen Z is the loneliest age group – even more so than older people, who don’t get out often and lack the social opportunities they had when they were younger.

Another big factor contributing to teen loneliness? The culture of comparison – and the fear of missing out. Anyone who’s ever used social media, even adults, can relate; it’s a landscape of glossy, carefully curated and edited content that makes aspects of other people’s lives seem … well, a lot better than yours.

“Social media creates a platform for comparison – teens view idealized representations of others’ lives, which makes them feel isolated and inadequate despite having numerous virtual connections,” Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin, ACSW, ACHT and CEO of Parents Anonymous, tells SheKnows. “The expectation for teens to appear flawless in their digital profiles creates barriers to developing authentic and open emotional connections.”

How to get better at delaying gratification: A guide for teens and parents

Have you ever been tempted by that “Buy Now” button for something you never even knew you needed? Or found yourself watching just one more episode, even when you promised you’d stop? In a world where everything happens instantly, learning how to get better at delaying gratification is more important than ever. Today, teens (and parents, too!) aren’t exactly set up for success when everything is built for instant gratification.

In this post, we’ll explore useful strategies, daily habits, and expert-backed insights to help teens strengthen their impulse control and build patience.

Long-term benefits for teens

Patience isn’t just about waiting; it’s about building a foundation for future success. “Research shows that people who acquire this ability tend to choose healthier lifestyles while achieving better academic performance and building more authentic relationships,” says Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin, a licensed hypnotherapist and CEO of Parents Anonymous®, a non-profit organization dedicated to preventing child abuse and providing emotional support to parents and families.

Mental health helpline seeks to expand to help fire victims recover

Mental health groups are stepping up to help victims of the Los Angeles area wildfires deal with the extreme stress brought on by the disaster.

The California Parent and Youth Helpline is beginning to work at evacuation centers and is looking to partner with community or government entities to provide victims with emotional support.

Lisa Pion-Berlin, president and CEO of Parents Anonymous, which runs the helpline, said people can call, text or live chat with a trained counselor.

The psychological toll of California’s catastrophic fires

Entire neighborhoods in Southern California have been destroyed by deadly wildfires, displacing communities that don’t know what — if anything — they’ll have to return to.

The big picture: Researchers have linked wildfires to long-lasting anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder in survivors, in addition to the well-documented physical toll.

Los Angeles families calling into Parents Anonymous’ California Parent & Youth Helpline have been expressing extreme overwhelm this week, said Lisa Pion-Berlin, CEO of Parents Anonymous.

For those whose houses were destroyed, “it’s not just the things in the building you lost, you lost a home,” she said. “And that’s a safe place where you’re raising a family, where you go to relax, where you go to cry, where you go to celebrate, where you have birthday parties.”
“A home is much more than a building, a home is part of your heart, and that’s been totally cut out.”

Is Your Toddler Pointing Non-Stop? Why That’s Great News

Squirrel! Balloon! Cookie! When toddlers point, they’re not just saying, ‘Hey, look at this!’—they’re actually showing off some serious smarts.

Even though toddlers can’t form full sentences yet, they’re actually better at communicating than you might realize. A recent study reveals that even at just 18 months old, toddlers can size up what their parents know and use pointing gestures to share information. Intrigued? Let’s dive into the fascinating world of toddler communication.

When toddlers think adults don’t get what they’re saying, they might keep doing the same action over and over. To help with this, Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin, a parenting expert and CEO of a parenting support group called Parents Anonymous, says parents should take a look at what their child is trying to show them and react to it accordingly. If you seem to get it wrong, try again.

“Toddlers are learning how to communicate, so they may not always express themselves clearly,” she says. “Give them time to respond and show patience while they try to form their thoughts.”