5 House Rules Experts Say Every Family Should Consider
Good Housekeeping
Some parents have pretty signs from Etsy outlining the house rules, from “Always kiss me goodnight” to “Never go to bed angry.” Others have a formal and official document that has been agreed upon in family meetings, while some have never discussed a single house rule. Regardless of which end of the spectrum your family is on, house rules likely already exist in your house, from not cussing or name-calling, to not wearing shoes upstairs, or maybe even just responding when someone talks.
But when’s the last time you stopped to really consider the house rules, and whether they need an update to help further improve the culture, emotional regulation, and even safety of your kids? Me either—with five little kids and no time, it’s the last thing on my mind. But, with a bit of thought and some tips from the experts, resetting with your kids on the house rules can be a game-changer.
We asked the experts, and here are the house rules they recommend to make kids feel safer at home, both physically and emotionally.
Rule #1: No matter how bad you screw up, help is always one phone call away
Kids are going to mess up, and even do super dumb things you never expected. As they grow up, those things might even have progressively more serious consequences. But they should know your reaction won’t change and that you are always there for them when they truly need it.
“The house rule that does the most for a child’s safety at home is also the one parents most often forget to say out loud, which is, ‘There is nothing you could do or say that would mean you couldn’t come to me,’” says Lisa Pion-Berlin, Ph.D., a licensed hypnotherapist, CEO of the nonprofit Parents Anonymous, and a mom of two.
“Children who grow up believing that certain kinds of mistakes or behaviors will hurt their relationship with a parent will most often stay silent when they need help most,” she says. “This applies to an 8-year-old who broke something they weren’t supposed to touch or a 15-year-old who finds themselves in a relationship or friendship that feels scary or confusing.”
Don’t wait for a problem to share that this rule exists. “Say it over dinner or at bedtime,” Dr. Pion-Berlin says. “Say it even after the small mistakes, because small mistakes are the rehearsal for the big ones.” The first time they test this rule out, praise them for telling you so they can see your response reflects the importance of the rule.