News & Insights

Source: Newsweek

Dear Newsweek, My name is Alicia and I am the mother of five amazing minor children and two adult sons. I divorced my husband 3 years ago, and due to Covid, things took much longer and we actually separated long before our divorce was finalized.

Anyway, while married I was a stay-at-home mom and home-schooled my kiddos. My ex-husband worked full-time and was generally uninvolved in day-to-day life. 

However, as time went on, I realized my ex-husband was causing a lot of damage to our children and myself. I realized that he was financially, emotionally, and spiritually abusing us, so I left.

He then made it his mission to punish me for leaving. He went on a smear campaign and isolated me from all of my friends and family. “Making things as difficult as he could so I would come crawling back to him”—his exact words.

Part of his revenge was to seek 50/50 custody, which he was awarded because at the time I was still afraid of him and easily intimidated so I was not able to fully advocate for myself or my children. Since then, it has been a battle.

All of the abusive behaviors that were present when we were married are still present now, but because he doesn’t abuse our children physically the court has done absolutely nothing to protect our children.

Despite him having [court] involvement four separate times for throwing our youngest daughter down the stairs, dragging our oldest daughter down the stairs and through the house by her arms, break-checking our youngest daughter so hard she had a bruised and swollen face for two weeks, and leaving our children in a whole other state with a woman he just met and that they knew for a few days.

His abuse is to the extent that his new wife left him after only being married to him for two months because she feared for her children’s safety.

Even still, the judge in our small town will do nothing to protect our children, or even order him to attend real therapy or parenting classes.

One of the most troubling behaviors that he regularly engages in is bullying our LGBTQIA+ daughter. He tells her that being a homosexual is as bad as being a pedophile. He tells her that she is evil and against God—he has even worked with his pastor to arrange very hateful anti LGBTQIA+ sermons. He treats her like a maid and cook when she is with him and makes sure to let her know that she disgusts and disappoints him because she identifies as LGBTQIA+ and listens to the band Ghost. All of this continues to wear on my daughter’s mental health and yet still no one will do anything.

He is treated as if he is a model father and the family court continues to turn a blind eye to everything he does. He uses his religion as a reason to get away with his abuse, stating that he has not only a right, but an obligation, to tell our daughter the things he does because she has turned her back on the Lord.

No one seems to want to hold him accountable and help out our children. He has blocked me from putting them in therapy, receiving immunizations, attending doctor visits, and taking medication. All because it’s against his beliefs and western medicine is witchcraft.

I hired a Guardian Ad Litem who found he was abusive and that it was in the kids’ best interest to be with me full-time and limit his involvement until he completed therapy and parenting classes, but the court also ignored that. I have spent THOUSANDS on attorneys and have only landed in the same spot every single time.

So now, I am hopeful that if I make it public how badly the County Court is failing our children, maybe something might be done for them.

As a healthy parent, he would deserve 50/50 time with our kids, but until then I don’t think he should get it just because it’s his “right.” 

Alicia, Unknown

Newsweek‘s “What Should I Do?” offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.

‘Abusive Relationships Impact Self-Confidence…You Need To Protect Yourself and Children’

Lisa Pion-Berlin, Ph.D., is a licensed hypnotherapist and CEO of Parents Anonymous.

You are a very courageous woman to speak out about your family situation to expose the injustice and harm to your family. Do not minimize what that takes. Stop blaming yourself for not advocating harder because you felt so insecure.

Physically and psychologically abusive relationships impact our self-confidence and wear us down so we cannot fight back. Twenty-five years of research into “battered woman” or “battered person” syndrome shows this.

It is understandable that you and your children are in a very difficult and abusive situation. Your focus needs to be on going forward by continuously and relentlessly protecting yourself and your children.

First of all, insults, threats or bodily harm needs to be reported and documented with the police, schools and your own doctors. Clear and complete documentation cannot be overemphasized—print out and save every email, text and voicemail regarding any threats or evidence of abuse.

Also, make copies of all medical records and other entities for your file. Take photographs of the physical damage your children have endured. Make sure you take them to the doctor, as they take pictures and continue to make CPS reports.

It is brave you are making this public. So many parents are afraid when the courts and systems are not helping or protecting children. Make sure you have support for yourself. You cannot stay strong without seeking counseling and surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family.

Also, seek counseling for your children so they can deal with their underlying feelings related to these traumas. Therapists and counselors are mandated reporters. Prejudice and discrimination exist in all institutions sworn to help you protect your children from abuse and neglect.

Even though you have paid for lawyers, if you feel they haven’t helped, you can seek free legal counsel. You may also want to contact your newly elected congressperson or U.S. senators. Senator Stabenow has district staff to help constituents and she is a dedicated social worker and advocate herself.

Local politics are tough to deal with, but the safety, health and well-being of your entire family is at stake. Continue to reach out because asking for help is a sign of strength. You can also call the National Parent Helpline 855-427-2736, operated by Parents Anonymous® (raisingfuture.org).

‘The Safety Of You and Your Children Is The Number One Priority’

Dr. Faisal Tai, MD, is a psychiatrist and the CEO of PsychPlus. 

I’m very sorry to hear about your serious dilemma with your ex-husband. As the mother of five minor children, I am sure that you have your hands more than full and that this conflict only makes taking care of your family—and yourself—10 times harder.

When I hear about all the legal steps you’ve taken to try and improve your situation through the courts and government agencies, it is disheartening that you have not been able to make more progress.

As a psychiatrist, I also would strongly encourage you to seek professional assistance to safeguard the emotional well-being of you and your children. It will be fundamental to your health and well-being, and your quality of life, in the years ahead.

I would recommend that you contact the Child Welfare Medical and Behavioral Health unit for your local county.

Amongst many other resources, they will have a comprehensive list of support services across the state that might be of great assistance.

I wish you the best of luck as you continue to advocate for yourself and your children.

Date: February 11, 2023

A teenager’s decision to stop calling his stepmother “mom” has been applauded by viewers online, despite it irking his father.

The 17-year-old, who goes by u/tall-lengthiness-330 on Reddit, took to the platform on October 2 to share that he had defiantly stood up against his father’s wishes to call his new partner his mom, which led to a falling out in their family home. Viewers online rallied around the teenager, with most offering support and backing his decision.

“My parents divorced when I was a baby and my dad remarried when I was 5,” the man wrote in his post. “When I was 7, I started to call my stepmom ‘mom’ [for] a little and that’s what felt natural to me. After I had said it several times my dad gave my [biological] mom a heads up about it.”

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With the latest school shooting at Apalachee High School outside Atlanta, parents may be wondering how to discuss the tragedy in the context of returning to school this fall and keeping their children safe. 

Lisa Pion-Berlin, CEO of Parents Anonymous, which supports parents and their children with resources and expert help, says that guardians need to confront their own feelings first and then listen to their children before making decisions and potentially becoming an advocate for school safety. 

Pion-Berlin told Chalkboard News in an interview that parents need to process their emotions and make decisions about safety and risk before discussing complex and sensitive topics with their children. 

On Aug. 6, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released data showing a lower percentage of students experiencing persistent sadness or hopelessness, from 42% to 40%. Female students reported a decrease in persistent sadness (57% to 53%) and serious consideration of suicide (from 30% to 27%).Talking to your children about mental health doesn’t necessarily mean talking about mental illness

Lisa Pion-Berlin, licensed hypnotherapist and CEO of the nonprofit Parents Anonymous, said the new data highlights what we’re doing right: talking about mental health in an open and accepting manner.

“Research tells us that by addressing, not brushing off, supportive conversation about serious mental health issues is a game changer,” Pion-Berlin said. “Removing the stigma about mental health is key to opening up honest conversations with students amongst themselves, parents and other adults in their life. Seeing hope replace hopelessness if the beginning steps of healing. Focusing on acceptance rather than just awareness puts all of us into a position of loving and supportive friendships and leads people to seek help when they don’t feel judged and blamed.”

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Mental-health experts are sounding the alarm about “fire brain” – a condition caused by exposure to toxic wildfire smoke. One study found that wildfire smoke can cause brain inflammation that lasts for a month.

Suzie Dukes, Chico LMFT and survivor of the Paradise Fire, said the massive Park Fire is now re-traumatizing a community already devastated by the Camp fire, which incinerated the nearby town of Paradise in 2018.

“People are in kind of a constant state of stress afterward, the feeling of being out of control, unable to prevent anything, and this deep-seated fear of losing yet again, more things. The Park Fire is triggering PTSD symptoms all over again,” she explained.

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Since 1992, Dr. Lisa is the President and CEO of Parents Anonymous® Inc. one of the oldest family strengthening organizations dedicated to ensuring a just society where everyone thrives in resilient families and communities. She is passionate about advocacy and supporting the empowerment journey of Parents, Caregivers and Children & Youth all around the world. She oversees the ONLY California Parent & Youth Helpline and National Parent & Youth Helpline® to provide emotional support through calls, chats and texting. She created National Parent Leadership Month® to celebrate Parents worldwide and the National Certification of Parent Leaders that is competency based and has measurable results. 

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July is National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month, a time to raise awareness about the challenges ethnic and racial minorities face when it comes to mental health care.

The Food and Drug Administration says barriers include a lack of health insurance and less access to treatment.

Lisa Pion-Berlin, president and CEO of Parents Anonymous, which runs both the California and National Parent and Youth Helplines, said society must fight to eliminate the stigma around mental health.

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Parents Anonymous, Inc.®, the national non-profit organization dedicated to supporting parents and youth, has taken a significant step forward in addressing the mental health crisis affecting families across the United States. With a generous $10 million grant from the Administration for Children and Families (ACF) of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), Parents Anonymous® expanded its services earlier this year, in January, transforming the National Parent Helpline® into the National Parent & Youth Helpline™. This essential resource now offers round-the-clock emotional support via calls, texts and chats to parents, caregivers and youth up to 25 years old.

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Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin, a parenting expert, previously told Newsweek that parents should make their children aware of gun crime by the time they are 10 years old.

While the video shared to @justagirl7688 hasn’t gone viral, it has resonated with other users. One commenter simply wrote: “yep!” insinuating this is how he remembers his childhood.

Read more…

This article discusses sensitive topics such as suicide and other potentially disturbing content. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or self-harm, please reach out for help. The California Parent and Youth Helpline is 855-427-2736.

“If you don’t have sex with me, I’m going to kill myself.”

These are words that no one wants to hear, but what if you didn’t hear them; your 13-year-old daughter did at school.

You know the boy and you know his family, but what you don’t know is what to do next.

Should you keep your daughter home from school? Should you call his mother, or should you call the police?

The parent in this situation called the California Parent and Youth Helpline®, a free service that offers emotional support to adults, children, and youth in the state. A trained counselor informed her of the available options and advised her to talk to the principal, the school counselor, and the police, enabling her to get a juvenile restraining order against the boy.

Now in its fourth year, the California Parent and Youth Helpline is a partnership between Parents Anonymous®, Governor Gavin Newsom and the California Department of Social Services. Created in May 2020, the nonprofit organization offers a 24/7 helpline in over 240 languages, online and in-person parenting support groups and mental health services — all free of charge. Their motto is “Asking for Help is a Sign of Strength®” and it’s something that Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin, President and CEO of Parents Anonymous, takes to heart. “There isn’t any issue you can’t call us about,” she says. “The more we can do to support parents, children and youth, the more we do to support entire families.”

Read more…

Racism is a complex subject to discuss, especially with children. Parents and trusted educators must take the initiative to teach kids about race and racial issues in an age-appropriate way so they can understand and stand up against racism. Raising children in a world where racism still exists can be challenging for parents. How do you even begin to educate your kids on the effects of racism while fostering respect, empathy and keeping them safe simultaneously?

The first step is understanding that parents are the most significant influence and supporter of their children as they develop. Parents can actively teach their children about racism by leading by example and demonstrating the positive attitudes for the child to use.

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